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About Varied / Hobbyist GrayMale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 8 Years
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I apologize for the lack of correspondence.Life has been hit and miss.Working nearly every day has been driving me mad.Discovered the San Francisco Dungeon,a tourist attraction that gave me happiness.Then,on the day before my birthday,I get an email from my lawyer,saying I lost.I owe my ex-wife $300 a month alimony.I felt betrayed,lost,and morose.My life is ruined.I was gonna start all over once the divorce was done,but she destroyed my chance.Until I never have to owe her any money,I'm tethered to her again,financially.I didn't feel like celebrating my birth,I wanted to die.To be left alone.Made a post on Facebook telling everyone to not wish me happy birthday or I'd block them,then delete my profile.They listened.As I type this,I feel nothing but pain.I wish I was dead,or alone,or both even.If I'm still alive,I'm getting a vasectomy,and find a way to feel nothing anymore.No spouse,no children,no love,no fear,just nothing.I haven't had any creative spark in a long time,why do I even post anything if no one reads it?They don't understand me,no one understands me.I'm alone in this cruel existence.Sure,I have parents and siblings,but they too don't understand me.I isolate myself from others so no one feels my pain.I had to work during my birthday,but I hid from people,didn't talk to people,just hoping someone would come in and kill me,put me out of my misery.If I wasn't a coward,if I didn't feel physical pain,I'd have already slit my wrists or overdosed on sleeping pills.Then I wouldn't be a living stain on this planet,whining about my problems sounding like a child constantly complaining and being a broken record.Its all her fault.She won,the bully won.She gets alimony and I get nothing,for I am nothing.A big fat ball of nothing.If God does exist,why doesn't he or she or whatever it is stop challenging me and just end it all?God's not dead,God's just sitting on the sidelines watching the world turn and burn and I'm ignored,like the other degenerates.I suffer inside my mind and outside my tall,mortal shell in this living hell.No amount of sympathy or love can ease my pain.Just end it already,let me rot in hell,seeing as how that's where I'm destined.
How long have you been on DeviantArt?
As of this post,8 years

What does your username mean?
It's basically combining 2 philosophies,Daoism and Zen Buddhism.Both have many differences,but a few similarities.I've been a follower of duality all my life.To me,everything has balance and am essentially seeking enlightenment and understanding.My original username was Ravenwater,meaning to discover the pro's and cons of immortality,mostly near the negative aspect of it.I changed it to the name I have now because I wanted to grow more physically and psychologically.

Describe yourself in three words.
Complex,mysterious,and wise.

Are you left or right handed?
Right handed.I tried to be ambidextrous,but it was harder than I thought.

What was your first deviation?
My first deviation on this site was July Cross.It was dedicated to my best friend Julio Cruz.We've been friends since September 1998,and have remained in touch to this day.

What is your favourite type of art to create?
It depends on my mood.Sometimes I write and sometimes I draw.

If you could instantly master a different art style, what would it be?
That's a tough one.I can't think of any per se.I'd wish to master all of it,but it's near impossible for me.

What was your first favorite?
Wait here or anywhere?If here,I'd say a poem.

What type of art do you tend to favorite the most?
Just anything that catches my attention.

Who is your all-time favourite deviant artist?
RavenSpider ,Malintra-Shadowmoon ,Artz1stLady.

If you could meet anyone on DeviantArt in person, who would it be?
Either RavenSpider or Malintra-Shadowmoon .Both of them are very talented women.Their art is fascinating.

How has a fellow deviant impacted your life?
Depends on the deviant.It can be good or bad,hard to tell.

What are your preferred tools to create art?
My brain,gel pens and crayola markers,crayons,colored pencils,anything that can spark an idea.

What is the most inspirational place for you to create art?
Don't have one.Too many to choose from.I do get inspired by music though.

What is your favorite DeviantArt memory? 
Again,don't have any favorites.But if one,probably getting a little more attention from others.Don't know the exact date,but it was nice to feel a little important.
  • Mood: Content
This journal entry will be updated regularly.I'm just sharing my large taste in music so people would try to understand me better.Some of them I'll try to be specific,others I'll indicate I don't have any of their music in my collection.In alphabetical order.

A
Act Of Defiance
Adema
Akercocke(Disbanded 2012)
Alice In Chains
Arch Enemy
Arkaea(status unknown)
Ascension(featuring Caleb Bingham,former lead guitarist of Five Finger Death Punch)
Ascension Of The Watchers(status unkown)
Ashes Divide
Audioslave(Disbanded  2007)
Audiotopsy(the combo of Mudvayne and Skrape)
Avatar(from Sweden)

B
Behemoth
Billy Corgan(1 solo album)
Black Light Burns
Black Sabbath
Born Of Osiris
Bush

C
Call Me No One
Cannibal Corpse
Cattle Decapitation
Cavalera Conspiracy
Chevelle
Children Of Bodom
Chris Volz(1 solo album)
City Of Fire
Clint Lowery's Hello Demons Meet Skeletons(last release 2013)
Cradle Of Filth
Crucial Fiction(status unknown)

D
Dååth
Dagoba
Dangerous New Machine(Disbanded 2013)
Dark New Day
Dave Navarro(1 solo album)
Dead By Sunrise
Deadsy
Deathstars
Deftones
Dethklok
Device(David Draiman solo)
DevilDriver
Devin Townsend
Dimmu Borgir
Disturbed
Divine Heresy
Divinity
Dream Theater
Drowning Pool

E
Earshot
Engel
Eths
Evanescence

F
Faith No More
Fashion Bomb
Fear And The Nervous System
Fear Factory
Feersum Ennjin(1 album)
Filter
Flaw
Fleshgod Apocalypse
Foo Fighters

G
Gavin Rossdale(1 solo album)
Gemini Syndrome
Genetic(Dallas Coyle Solo album)
Ghost B.C.
Godsmack
Gojira
Goodbye Gadget(status unknown)

H
Hustle Roses

I
Icon In Me
ICS Vortex(1 solo album)
Ill Niño
Impending Doom
In This Moment
Institute(1 album,disbanded 2006)

J
Jane's Addiction
Jeffrey Nothing(1 solo album)
Jimmie's Chicken Shack
Job For A Cowboy
Jonathan Davis(from Korn)
Julien-K

K
Kamelot
Kidneythieves
Killer Be Killed
Kittie
Korn

L
Lacuna Coil
Lamb Of God
Limp Bizkit
Linkin Park
Lordi
Love And Death(Brian "Head" Welch's 2nd band from Korn)

M
M.A.N(a.k.a. Massive Audio Nerve,disbanded 2014)
Machine Head
Marilyn Manson
Mastodon
Menace(Mitch Harris of Napalm Death solo effort)
Meshuggah
Metallica
Mnemic
Mudvayne
Mushroomhead

N
Nevermore
Nine Inch Nails
Nirvana

O
Opeth
Orgy
Otep
Ozzy Osbourne

P
P.O.D.
Paula Cole
A Perfect Circle
Projected(Mix of Sevendust & Creed/Alter Bridge members)
Puddle Of Mudd
Puscifer

Q
Queens Of The Stone Age

R
Rammstein
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Rob Zombie

S
Sage 4(status unknown)
Samael
Sanctuary
Scamp
Scar Symmetry
Scar The Martyr
Scars On Broadway
Seether
Septicflesh
Sepultura
Serj Tankian
Sevendust
Seventh Void
Slayer
Slipknot
Smashing Pumpkins
Smaxone(status unknown)
Soil
Soilwork
Soulfly
Soundgarden
Staind
Static-X(disbanded 2013)
Stereomud(disbanded 2003)
Stone Sour
Stone Temple Pilots
Straight Line Stitch
Strapping Young Lad(disbanded 2007)

T
The Dillinger Escape Plan
The Oohlas(status unknown)
The Pheromones(disbanded)
Tool
Transport League
Triptykon
Trivium
Type O Negative(disbanded 2010)

V
Visceroy(disbanded 2007)

W
Warrel Dane
Wayne Static(1 solo album,died 2014)
We Are The Fallen

X
Xerath

Z
Zwan(one album,disbanded 2003)
  • Mood: Love
  • Listening to: Nothing
  • Reading: Nothing
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing
Spent 5 days in the hospital cause of my gallbladder.Spent 3 days starving while being treated,until they finally removed my gallbladder.No more gallstone attacks.I'm finally free.Downside is I'm gonna have to recover and miss a week or 2 of work.But everything's gonna be okay.
  • Listening to: Faith No More
  • Reading: none
  • Watching: none
  • Playing: none
  • Eating: Chicken Broth Rice
  • Drinking: Milk
Things are looking up.I'm finally getting a job again at Safeway,the divorce matter is running smoothly(and possibly running in my favor),and am finally getting my life back on track.I'm feeling much better than last month's journal post.I want to thank everyone that's been there for me and haven't given up on me,you've given me strength to continue living in this world.Extra thanks goes to RavenSpider and Malintra-Shadowmoon,couldn't have done it without you two.As for my art,I'm continuously working on it,trying my best to make it more interesting and less perfectionist.
  • Mood: Thanks
  • Listening to: Romantic Dreams By Deftones
  • Reading: The Sandman:Brief Lives
  • Watching: iZombie
  • Playing: none
  • Eating: Rib-Eye Steak
  • Drinking: Ovaltine

deviantID

Daozen
Gray
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
Hello,this is Gray.I write poems(or lyrics,whichever one),draw whatever comes to mind,and live in San Francisco.Hope you enjoy what you see.
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Comments


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:iconmalintra-shadowmoon:
Malintra-Shadowmoon Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday and all my best wishes to you. Hope you have a wonderful day :)
Reply
:icondaozen:
Daozen Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you Malintra.Unfortunately,it was one of the worst I've ever had...and you'll find out why.
Reply
:iconmalintra-shadowmoon:
Malintra-Shadowmoon Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, now I have read your journal but before, I would have said: No one else wished you a nice birthday, no one else visited your site a lot, you have little friends and have been away for some time.
Reply
:icondaozen:
Daozen Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
You make a good point Malintra.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconartz1stlady:
Artz1stLady Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for watching! :hug:
Reply
:icondaozen:
Daozen Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for being my friend Sabrina.
Reply
:iconartz1stlady:
Artz1stLady Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Of course. It's my pleasure. :hug:
Reply
:iconravenspider:
RavenSpider Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
thanks for the fav honey
Reply
:iconravenspider:
RavenSpider Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
thanks for the favs
Reply
:iconravenspider:
RavenSpider Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
thanks for the fav
Reply
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